Episode 463: Coach the Coach: How to Regulate Before You Lead| Dr. Jody Carrington | Part 2

Episode 463: Coach the Coach: How to Regulate Before You Lead | Dr. Jody Carrington | Part 2

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If you have ever finished a hard day at work and walked in the door still tight in the jaw, still replaying a rough practice or a rough conversation, this episode is for you. So much of what we talk about in this community is systems and standards, but underneath all of it is a simpler question: are you regulated enough to actually access your best coaching?

That is exactly where Dr. Jody Carrington picks back up in part two of her conversation with JP. She gets specific about what regulation actually looks like in the middle of a season, why joy is harder to access than we think, and why collecting information before delivering feedback changes everything about a hard conversation.

I have listened to this one twice already, and both times I caught myself dropping my shoulders halfway through. That is reason enough to give it a full listen before your next practice.

TOC 3-2-1

3 QUOTES WORTH WRITING DOWN

"The most important people you work for are the ones you go home to."

— Dr. Jody Carrington

"The most vulnerable emotion on the planet is joy."

— Dr. Jody Carrington

"Collect and then direct. It's not if I'm going to give that feedback, it's when."

— Dr. Jody Carrington

2 QUESTIONS FOR YOUR TEAM

Q1: Where in your day is your jaw locked and your shoulders up before you ever set foot in front of your team, and what would it look like to drop them on purpose before you walk in?

Q2: Which two players are you not building a real relationship with right now, and what is one specific thing you could learn about them this week?

1 RESOURCE TO GO DEEPER

More from Dr. Jody Carrington

Dr. Jody's site is packed with free videos, articles, and tools built around the same ideas she unpacked in this episode: regulation, connection, and showing up as your best self before you lead anyone else. Visit www.drjodycarrington.com

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Regulate Yourself Before You Coach Anyone Else. Dr. Jody argues that access to your best self starts in the body, not in willpower. Dropping your shoulders and releasing your jaw before stepping in front of your team signals safety to your nervous system, which is the actual entry point to showing up the way you want to.

The People You Work For Are the Ones You Go Home To. Coaching is meaningful work, but it is still a job, and someone else could do it. The people who cannot be replaced are the ones waiting at home. Getting regulated is not self-care in the abstract; it is what lets you show up for the relationships that matter most.

Ask What Happened, Not What's Wrong. Framing a difficult player as broken or manipulative shuts down empathy. Asking what happened to this kid opens it back up, without excusing the behavior. It changes the coach's access to patience, not the standard the player is held to.

Joy Is the Most Vulnerable Emotion on a Team. Real joy only shows up when defenses are down, which is why it is harder to access than sadness or fear. Dr. Jody points to small rituals, like nicknames or a phone basket before practice, as ways to build the safety joy requires.

Collect Before You Direct. Dr. Jody's rule for hard conversations is to invest in understanding a player before delivering feedback. The exception is safety: if a player is putting the team at risk, the conversation happens immediately, no collecting required.

Relationships With Parents Cut the Battle in Half. Investing ten minutes in a difficult parent does more than avoid conflict; it changes what that parent tells their kid after a hard coaching moment. Dr. Jody frames this as one of the highest-leverage moves a coach can make with the players who need it most.

ACTION ITEMS FOR LEADERS AND COACHES

DROP YOUR SHOULDERS BEFORE YOU WALK IN

Use Dr. Jody's hand model of the brain the next time you talk to a dysregulated athlete. Wrap your fingers around your thumb and show them what flipping your lid actually looks like.

ASK WHAT HAPPENED INSTEAD OF WHAT'S WRONG

Notice how many notifications, group chats, or scrolling sessions spike your cortisol before you even leave the house. Pick one to remove this week.

PICK YOUR TWO HARDEST PARENTS

Before your next hard conversation with an athlete, ask whether you have banked enough relationship equity to be heard. If not, spend this week building it.

NAME ONE JOYFUL RITUAL FOR YOUR TEAM

Learn one small, personal detail about an athlete you have not yet connected with. Use it in conversation this week and notice what changes.

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