It’s Not Fair

My kids are quickly learning that those three words can trigger a volcanic reaction in their father.

Life isn't fair.

A quarter of the world doesn't have access to safe drinking water.

A third of the world doesn't have nutritious food.

Not only do we live in one of the most privileged parts of the planet, we live in the most privileged time in the history of the world.

We live with more comfort and technology than kings did only a century ago.

I get it, it’s not just my kids. One of the biggest hurdles we face in sports today is a massive entitlement epidemic.

• The player who doesn’t get the playing time they feel they “deserve.”

• The parent whose child didn’t make the “A” team.

• The coach who feels underappreciated and underpaid for the sacrifice they pour into the program.

When we say things aren't "fair," what we are really doing is comparing how things are to how we think they should be.

We create a gap between reality and expectation, and that gap is where entitlement grows.

So, how do we close the gap? Typically we take two paths.

1. Acceptance.

The player accepts their role and does what is best for the group.

The parent accepts that the coach is making the best decision for the team.

The coach accepts that this is often a thankless, low-pay job.

2. Change.

The player works harder and smarter to earn more playing time..

The parent has their kid transferring.

The coach demands a raise or walks away.

Both change and acceptance have their place. But neither acceptance nor change addresses the root of the entitlement: Gratitude.

Gratitude has never failed me. It shifts the perspective from what I am "owed" to what I have been "gifted."

• Athletes don't have to play; they get to play.

• Parents don't have to support their kids; they get those extra minutes in the car and those hours in the stands watching their child find their own way.

• Coaches don't have to sacrifice; they get to shape the next generation.

So I’ve decided to add a new line to the Serenity Prayer and put it up somewhere in our house. It’s the only way I know how to navigate the "Fairness Trap" in my own home and on the sidelines:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, The wisdom to know the difference, And gratitude for everything I have been given."

-J.P. Nerbun, Christmas 2025