I Don’t Think I Want Them to “Want It”
I’m writing this from a plane, traveling between conferences to facilitate sessions and speak with athletic directors from across Canada.
Two of the biggest and most common challenges they discuss in these sessions are:
The decline of the multi-sport athlete.
Sports parents who lose perspective (and sometimes their minds).
There is a direct connection between these two challenges. Parents are often encouraging early specialization with one goal in mind: for their kid to "make it big." I get it—it’s not just about a full-ride scholarship anymore. The potential financial upside in sports today is massive.
There are many problems with early specialization, and I won’t list them all here. But here is the one we rarely discuss: “Making it”—whether that’s D1, the pros, or the Olympics—isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
The road to becoming an elite athlete isn't just difficult because of the work required to get there; it’s difficult because of the challenge of getting there without losing your joy, your sense of self-worth, and your well-being. Whether the final destination is a professional contract or a college scholarship, it is a grueling path. I traveled it as an athlete, and now I walk it every day alongside elite coaches and players.
Often when you "make it," fulfillment and joy are even harder to find in that life. You face an immense pressure to win and perform , while you and your family make massive personal and family sacrifices. On top of that you endure constant public criticism and if you are “fortunate” to find fame, good luck trying to enjoy it–I haven’t met many people who do.
There are much easier ways to make a good living and find a fulfilling life. Just ask Tiger Woods who seems to be still struggling.
I’m not going to discourage my kids from dreaming of becoming professional athletes or playing big-time college sports—I just wouldn’t wish that dream upon them.
I want them to enjoy sports. I want them to learn and grow from the process of giving their best, being a part of a team, and navigating the adversity that sports provide. And unfortunately, the current sports system is not designed to help elite athletes experience those things.
As I think about my children’s futures, I realize: I don’t think I want them to “want it.” I will continue to encourage my kids to play as many sports as they enjoy, for as long as possible—even if that means passing on an Olympic Gold, a professional contract, or a full scholarship.
If they do catch the dream, I’ll be right behind them, supporting them every step of the way. But that dream won't have come from me. It will have come from within them.
—J.P. Nerbun
P.S. Mark your calendar. My new book, The Culture Captain, is coming June 9th.
It’s written for all athletes—from the elite prospect to the multi-sport enthusiast. It provides the framework to help them find fulfillment, become a great teammate and leader, and perform at their best without losing their soul to the system.
