Episode 457: Identity, Influence, and the Leadership Nobody Told You Was Already Yours | The Culture Captain Level 1
Episode 457: Identity, Influence, and the Leadership Nobody Told You Was Already Yours | The Culture Captain Level 1
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In one of our recent TOC Athlete Live Trainings, a high school athlete was asked, "Who would you be without basketball?" As the athlete contemplated and struggled to find an answer, it reminded me of something that happens to most of us at some point in our athletic and professional careers: we often lose our hold on who we are by allowing our activities, roles, jobs, and others to define our identity.
In this episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast, JP, Betsy, and Nate explore Level 1 of the Culture Captain "Know Yourself" to help identify who we are, what influence we have, and how we can put it into action. During the episode, each shares how they have at times struggled to define their identity and challenge the definition of leadership.
This is a great episode that will hopefully prompt us, as coaches, to think about our own identity, and it's also a great opportunity to peek behind the curtain at The Culture Captain and learn about Level One, Know Yourself, and how we might use it with our own athletes.
TOC 3-2-1
3 QUOTES WORTH WRITING DOWN
"Fulfillment has to be defined by you, and the meaning has to be made intentionally rather than just by what we see and what we hear."
— Nate Sandrson
"When I'm at my best, when I feel most at peace, when I feel most content, when I feel most truly myself — look back at those moments. And then ask: how do I bring that forward and offer it as a gift to my team, to the world?"
— JP Nerbun
"I believe leadership is a boat that anyone can board — if you have the desire to develop that awareness, to know yourself, to use your influence on purpose."
— Betsy Butterick
2 QUESTIONS FOR YOUR TEAM
Q1: When was the first time someone truly invited you to define who you are — not describe yourself to others, but honestly articulate who you are at your core? How has that shaped the way you invite athletes into self-discovery?
Q2: Think of a recent coaching achievement. On a scale of 1–10, how fulfilled did it make you feel? What does that number tell you about whether you are living by your values?
1 RESOURCE TO GO DEEPER
The Culture Captain by J.P. Nerbun
KEY TAKEAWAYS
You Can't Lead Others If You Don't Know Yourself. The first step in developing leaders — on your team or within yourself — isn't strategy, it's self-knowledge. Every leadership action flows from identity. Coaches who haven't done this work default to pressure, reactivity, and coaching styles borrowed from someone else.
Leadership Is Wielded Influence — Use It on Purpose. None of the three hosts could offer a clean definition of leadership. What they landed on together: leadership is using your influence intentionally to improve others' experiences. Every athlete already has influence, magnetic or quiet. The question is whether they are using it intentionally or by accident.
Young Athletes Often Need a 'Level Zero' Before Level One. Nate's facilitation with 8th–12th graders revealed a sobering gap: most had never experienced strong peer leadership and couldn't explain why it matters. Three-fourths said the biggest barrier to leading was not wanting to be seen as bossy. Before self-discovery can happen, athletes need a foundational understanding of what leadership actually looks like — and why it matters on a team.
Self-Definition Is an Act of Resistance. Betsy shared a powerful story: an athlete who filled her social media profile with 'child of God' told her coach, 'I don't have to describe myself further. In his eyes, I'm enough.' In a world that pressures every person to define their brand for public consumption and approval, choosing to rest in enoughness is a quiet act of courage. That question of enoughness is at the heart of knowing yourself.
Values Are Unearthed, Not Invented. Core values don't emerge from aspirational thinking. They surface when you look back at moments you felt most fully yourself, most at peace, most purposeful. Betsy landed on love and integrity using Brene Brown's two-values exercise. Nate's values (Gratitude, Effort, Love) already described what he was doing consistently before he ever named them. Looking back is the beginning of looking forward.
Success Without Fulfillment Is the Warning Sign, and Success Is Often Defined for Us. JP shared that making the Division I basketball roster at South Carolina left him with little pride or fulfillment. Finishing a 200km ultra with 10 people at the finish line was deeply fulfilling. Betsy added a crucial layer: success is frequently defined for us before we ever have the chance to define it ourselves. The identity prison traps us inside goals we never truly chose.
ACTION ITEMS FOR LEADERS AND COACHES
AUDIT YOUR INFLUENCE
This week, notice 3 moments when your presence shifted athletes' behavior — for better or worse. Don't evaluate yet. Just observe. Awareness is the first step before intentional influence.
RUN THE SOUP EXERCISE
Ask your team: 'When you're absent, what flavor is missing from our soup?' For a richer version, try Betsy's Championship Soup, where each athlete picks a glitter color as their ingredient and adds it to a shared cauldron.
MAP YOUR FULFILLMENT
List 3 coaching achievements from the past year. Rate each on fulfillment (1–10), not success. If your highest-achievement moments scored lowest on fulfillment, that gap is data worth sitting with.
DEFINE LEADERSHIP WITH YOUR ATHLETES
Prompt your team: 'Leadership is using your influence on purpose to ___.' Ask athletes to fill in the blank. Let the conversation become your team's shared leadership language for the season.
