10 Costly Mistakes of Transformational Coaching
Ten years into my coaching career, in 2016, I underwent the most profound shift in my coaching and leadership. After reading Joe Ehrmann’s InsideOut Coaching and hiring my own leadership coach, my approach transformed dramatically—a shift often described as moving from transactional to transformational leadership.
Of all the changes I made, the most significant was around accountability. I didn’t lower expectations; I actually raised the standards and expectations for players in our program by changing how I enforced them. I became more demanding than I had been in the entire decade prior.
When players failed to meet our non-negotiables—be on time, listen, and refrain from complaining during practice—they were asked to step out of a drill or take a seat during a game. As a result of his behavior, our best player sat out several games early in the season.
Over the past decade as a leadership and culture consultant, I’ve supported many coaches who want to be more transformational. Unfortunately, a common trend among these leaders is lowering expectations and extending far too much grace. Coaches often confuse meeting athletes where they are with lowering standards. They are not the same. Meeting athletes where they are is about building a relationship with them to call them up to a higher standard.
Here are ten common mistakes coaches make around accountability:
Trying to boost self-esteem directly without requiring real effort or mastery. It doesn't work. Landmark research (most notably Roy Baumeister’s extensive 2003 review) demonstrates that unearned self-esteem does not improve performance or behavior. Instead, it leads to narcissism, fragile confidence, and defensive aggression in the face of criticism.
Focusing too much on belonging and not enough on mattering. Belonging is about feeling accepted; mattering is about feeling valuable. When we expect every athlete to contribute to the group's success, we reinforce that they matter.
Obsessing over moment-to-moment happiness. Life is difficult, and sports provide an environment for young people to learn how to find joy and purpose within that difficulty.
Over-prioritizing individual goals at the expense of the team. While athlete-centered approaches have value, ignoring team goals robs players of the responsibility—and pride—that comes from contributing to something larger than themselves.
Failing to charge a high enough price to belong. Modern sports may cost families a lot of money, but we rarely ask players to pay the price of basic responsibility. When youth coaches run around picking up equipment and carrying water while the kids "just play," they miss a crucial developmental tool.
Prioritizing sports over other life-shaping responsibilities. A demanding summer job or academic commitment will often teach a young person more about discipline and work ethic than another summer training program.
Lowering standards to boost retention or inclusivity. People don't want to belong to something easy—they want to be part of an environment with high standards. Lowering the bar decreases commitment across the board.
Sugarcoating feedback. Coaches often withhold honest assessments out of fear that players can't handle hearing they aren't ready to start or play in a competitive game. In doing so, we rob them of the spark that comes from facing reality and proving doubters wrong.
Confusing conversations with accountability. When a player falls below standard, talking about why the standard matters is only the first step. Without clear, consistent consequences, a conversation is just advice, not accountability.
Viewing sports as an entitlement rather than a privilege. Practice is an opportunity to get better and playing is a privilege. When we over-rely on carrots (praise/rewards) or sticks (shaming/penalties), we undermine natural consequences and stifle intrinsic drive.
—J.P. Nerbun
If you want to help your athletes have the train to win mindset, check out The Culture Captain, this book provides a 4-Level Framework for Athletes to Know Yourself, Lead Yourself, Lead Others, Lead the Team.
