Are We All Frauds?

“So, how do you apply this as a parent?”

I was facilitating a session for a Google Sales Team yesterday, working on the skills of listening—asking questions, reflecting, and holding space. The goal was to improve their teamwork and client service, but the message was resonating far beyond the office. Many in the room were already seeing how these skills could help them show up better at home.

The best part of my ten-year journey to become a better leader is that it has required me to work on becoming a better person. And yet, I feel incredibly vulnerable when someone asks how I’m applying these principles in my personal life.

Because the reality is: I don’t always do a great job.

It happens a lot in my line of work. As I travel the world giving keynotes and facilitating workshops, people are excited to meet me. They’ve listened to the podcast; they’ve read the books. They are excited to meet the "idea of JP" they’ve built in their heads.

Then they meet me in the flesh. Most people lead with: “You’re a lot taller than I realized!”

But my height is far from the biggest thing they’ve gotten wrong about the "idea of JP." If you want the real story, just talk to my family. They’ll tell you: I’m a mess at the end of the day.

I probably fail to live up to my own listening standards more often than I meet them.

I certainly don’t emotionally regulate myself before trying to regulate my kids as often as I preach it.

It’s not just at home. Just the other day, coaching my daughter’s practice, I realized halfway through that I hadn’t connected with a single girl before we started. I was too damn focused on laying out cones for a warm-up drill.

I am a mess. We are all a mess.

This is the hardest part of leadership: Standing in front of a group of people, telling them what you value, and then trying to actually live it—only to fail.

Does that failure make us frauds?

No. It makes us human.

Authenticity is not living perfectly according to your values.

Living according to your values is integrity—that is the lifelong work of a leader.

Authenticity is simply being real. It is being human. It means perfection is not required and mistakes are welcome.

So, my answer to that Google employee was simple: "I don't apply it nearly as well as I ought to for a man teaching it to others. And yet, I'm doing a hell of a lot better than I was a year ago."